What'll Ernest do next?

Though he was widely thought deceased from lung cancer since 2000, actor Jim Varney recently shocked the nation as he appeared at a chic Hollywood bistro and shouted that he's "ready to get back to business!" Widely admired and respected for portraying Ernest P. Worrell, a lovable doofus, he's ready to make the next Ernest film, sure to be a colossal box office blockbuster.
Due to The Review's contacts in high places, we're able to give you the rundown on the top 5 ideas being considered as studio heads meet in these final hours before a deal is made:
5. Ernest Takes his Road Test
Watch out! When our kooky hero gets behind the wheel, anything could happen. Forgetting to signal, rolling through stop signs, irritable proctors--there's no speed limit to the fun in this flick, so buckle your seatbelt!
4. Ernest Gets a Colonoscopy
It's finally that time! Ernest knows he should take his health seriously, but who wants a camera-snake shoved up his poop chute? We can only hope he doesn't have a polyp!
3. Ernest Saves for Retirement
Roth IRA, social security, 401k--who knows what crazy long-term financial security plan Ernest'll cook up? See his advisor become flabbergasted with hare-brained schemes for stability in old age.
2. Ernest Contemplates Affirmative Action
Weighing the pros and cons of tilting the playing field to ensure equal opportunity and social justice, we finally get to see the thoughtful, reflective side of Ernest. Where will his final allegiance lay?
1. Ernest, Harold, and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo
America's favorite stoner duo meets America's favorite goofball! Add in some zany terrorists, angry guards, and extreme waterboarding and you've got a sure-fire hit. Extreme!